Your Tribe

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Summary

Your group, your community.  Whatever you want to call it, they are the people that we surround ourselves with. The people that have the most impact on us.  This can be a little more difficult to control at times.  I mean, yes you can and should decide who you are going to let into your inner circle, but let’s be honest sometimes that can be tough and honestly can be downright uncomfortable if you have to decide to exclude someone that may be a family member or a friend of many years.

So, what do you do?   Well, let’s back up a bit and chat about what this can mean for your life if you purposefully surround yourself with the people that make you better.   We know for a fact that the people, the energy and the psychology of others does affect who we are and how we behave or react to different situations.

Take for example that person that you know that rarely has anything good to say about any situation.  This would probably be the glass half full person.  Even if something great happens, they will find something that is potentially going to turn it from great too bad.  Choose who makes up you "people".

Full Transcript

You know that they say you are what you eat. I am not disputing this and obviously this is something that we have total control over and even though it can be affected by who we hang out with, it is still something that at the end of the day comes down to our habits and will power, and how strong we are in pushing the chocolate mousse to the side. Something that many people don’t give much thought to though is who they surround themselves with.  They honestly don’t give it much priority when they think about it, as it appears initially that we don’t have a choice of who shows up in our lives. Well, just like the chocolate mousse, we do have the ultimate decision.  We may not completely say no to dessert, but we may opt for the jello instead.  So that may be a weird Segway but what I wanted to focus on this month is our tribe, our group, our community.  Whatever you want to call it, they are the people that we surround ourselves with. The people that have the most impact on us.  This can be a little more difficult to control at times.  I mean, yes you can and should decide who you are going to let into your inner circle, but let’s be honest sometimes that can be tough and downright uncomfortable if you have to decide to exclude someone that may be a family member or a friend of many years.

So, what do you do?   Well, let’s back up a bit and chat about what this can mean for your life if you purposefully surround yourself with the people that make you better and for lack of a better term we will use the cliché….like minded.   We know for a fact that the people, the energy and the psychology of others does affect who we are and how we behave or react to different situations.

Take for example that person that you know that rarely has anything good to say about any situation.  This would probably be the glass half full person.  Even if something great happens, they will find something that is potentially going to turn it from great too bad.  Often this will sound something like this “Well, yeah, we are all getting a long weekend, but now it just means I have to do more work around my house…I may as well be at work”.    OR How about this one.  “That’s great that I paid off my car, but you know it just means it will break down next week and I will have to buy another one and I will be back in the same cruddy financial situation…that’s just how my life is.”

Now these statements may seem harmless enough, but how does it make you feel? Probably a bit bummed, and you did nothing to bring that on…except choose who makes up your “people”.

So let’s look at the people in your life who show up every day and they have your back and they can see your dreams.  How does that feel?  If you are like most of us, it brings even a higher level of excitement and joy to the things that you love.  They are a catalyst that takes you to the next level without even trying.

Let me ask you this.   Are you that person that is super motivated, ready to try the next new thing, or even create the next new thing and you want the support of those around you?  I see this all the time.  People that are so excited for the next great adventure in their lives just to have a friend, co-worker or family member react in such a way that they walk away from what could have been an amazing uplifting conversation filled with energy turn into one that makes them second guess their goals or dreams.  This is so sad and in my opinion is super selfish and mean.  I mean these are supposed to be our biggest supporters and cheerleaders…our friends and families. 

So why do the negative people sneak into our lives and imbed themselves in a place where if we are honest with ourselves, they truly are not welcome.  Because we are human and relationships are not always those of our choosing initially.  Sometimes, we don’t realize what negative energy someone brings to the table until we feel like it is too late to make a change, or we don’t feel like it's appropriate to “fire” them from our circle.  It may even be a close family member that is a parent or sibling that are going to likely be a part of our lives at some level.  This must be where the saying came from that says “We don’t get to pick our family”.  As cruel as that can sound, it is the truth.  But what is really cool is that we do get to pick who we spend the majority of our time with.

Now common sense and just the fact that we need to be nice people says that we cannot and should not make a list of all the people in our lives and just start crossing off anyone that may not be exactly in alignment with our level of optimism or personal growth. That is simply not realistic and quite frankly is a bit harsh.   What we have to realize is that likely you are going to have those people in your world that would not be your first choice to motivate and support you, but that’s ok.  We need to still appreciate these people and appreciate that they will have a space in our lives, but we get to decide how big that space is.  Another way to look at it is that even though we know that we cannot change people unless they have a desire to change…we may just rub off on them a little bit.  I have experienced this personally, as I have a family member who is extremely negative and who literally called me Pollyanna.  I’m not going to lie, it pissed me off…like I was the one who was a bad person because I choose to look at the positive side of every situation that I can…really.  However, a couple years have passed, and not only did she apologize for that remark, but she actually is coming around to agree with me when I point out the positive points of what could be a negative situation.  Now I don’t know if she is just rolling over, or if I am making progress.  I choose to think maybe I am getting to her.  Next step, for her to find the positives on her own.  So maybe, just maybe we are blessed with those people so that we can help them expand their worlds as well…I am going to go with that.

But rather than focus all your thoughts on those people, what I encourage you to do is look at the people in your life that elevate you, encourage you, challenge you and love you for who you are, and put simply are not negative nellies.  We know that the 5 people that you spend the most time with are the ones that will take you to the levels that you want to go to.  Be careful though, because this can work the opposite as well and if those 5 people are downers, they will drag you down with them.

Who are your top 5?  Do they need to get shuffled around a bit so that you are spending time with those that are crazy good?  By looking at it this way you are not eliminating people per say, just funneling your time a different direction possibly.  Now you may look at your list of people and determine that there are some that are truly toxic and need to move on.  This would not be unusual, and I have seen it time after time during this exercise that seems so innocent on the forefront…. I mean it's just a list of people, right?  If you find people on your list that you truly feel are going to be a long-term negative influence in your world that you just can’t get past, then it may be time to cut those ties…but be gentle.  Likely they don’t know what they are doing.

In the next 4 weeks I will be diving into relationships in different areas of our lives and how those affect us and what we can do to ensure that we are not only surrounding ourselves with people that want to grow and change with us, but to also be the person that enhances the lives of those around us.  After all we are in other people’s groups of 5 most powerful influencers and that, my friends, is a big responsibility.

I look forward to next time and please comment below and share this post with your 5 people.

Until next time it is your choice to Focus Forward.