Fear of Success...It is a Real Thing

Summary

How can succeeding at a high level be a bad or fearful thing?  However, what we know is that there are many amazing people, maybe even you that fear success at some level.  People that have so much to offer but very likely stand in the shadows and do not contribute when their opinions or ideas could revolutionize a company or take them or their peers to a new level of accomplishment.

If this is you or someone that you know, then you may be able to understand.  If you are one that thinks that this is not a real thing, then listen and open up your mind to the possibility that not all people embrace success and strive for more of it.  All of us probably know at least one or two people that struggle with this and we don’t even know it.  We have possibly just looked at them as great support or as not being as driven as others, when in fact they are bursting with more knowledge and dreams than we can imagine. They give the impression that being a bench player is where they best fit on the team when they should probably be the coach. So, how does this happen? Like most fears, it is typically developed earlier in our lives from experiences that proved to our brain that success brought negative results.

Full Transcript

I know that many of you that are watching or listening to this may find it hard to believe or understand the concept of fearing success.  After all, how can succeeding at a high level be a bad or fearful thing?  However, what we know is that there are many amazing people, maybe even you that fear success at some level.  People that have so much to offer but very likely stand in the shadows and do not contribute when their opinions or ideas could revolutionize a company or take them or their peers to a new level of accomplishment.

If this is you or someone that you know, then you may be able to understand what I am talking about.  If you are one that thinks that this is not a real thing then I invite you to listen and open up your mind to the possibility that not all people embrace success and strive for more of it.  All of us probably know at least one or two people that struggle with this and we don’t even know it.  We have possibly just looked at them as great support or as not being as driven as others, when in fact they are bursting with more knowledge and dreams than we can imagine…they give the impression that being the bench is where they best fit on the team when they should probably be the coach.

So, how does this happen…like most fears, it is typically developed earlier in our lives from experiences that proved to our brain that success brought negative results.  Let’s say for example a child is being raised by parents that never experienced success in school and may have never completed their education.  It is possible that a child who brings home top grades, awards etc. may be mocked or even criticized for putting importance on this accomplishment.  As awful as that sounds and of course this is just one example of a bazillion that could be the culprit of fostering a fear of success for a kiddo that carries on into adulthood and then that fear is maintained by avoiding the things that cause the fear. Many times those around us who have not achieved success tend to be overly critical of those that have.  I am sure that you have all heard the saying that “money is the root of all evil”, when we know that is not true and that money can actually give us the opportunity to help others, grow communities and foster education.  Yet there will always be those that choose to belittle the ones around them that succeed at a level higher than they themselves have experienced.

Based on that negative feedback, that is one way that the fear of success is embedded and grows throughout one's life, causing them to stand back and never take credit.  Have you known that person who does not take praise well and quickly changes the subject or who avoids recognition at all cost?  Something or someone has not allowed them to be proud of what they have done and may even be embarrassed by success.  It is sad to realize that this fear can cause people to stand in others' shadows or take lesser jobs or pick careers that don’t allow them to grow and succeed, as this keeps them in their comfort zone and out of the limelight.

There are of course other items that lead to the fear of success and some of the most common that we hear are:

• Being the center of attention
• Having to spend most of their time putting out fires or answering emails as opposed to following the path that they love and got them there in the first place. 
• Being afraid of the pressure or expectations that they set either for themselves or that others set for them.
• Finally, a big one was disappointing others

By keeping this mindset of self protection it becomes impossible to live that bigger life that you dream of and to succeed at the levels that you know you are capable of…after all it’s been said “if I don’t start I can’t fail”.

Here is the real deal though…people are not truly afraid of success.  If you listen carefully to what we have been talking about they are actually afraid of the results of the achievement or victory or whatever you want to call it.  It only takes getting bitten by a dog once to know in your head that all dogs are evil and should be avoided, when we know that this is not true and that most dogs are amazing companions and loyal to their human friends.  But the more we feed the brain about crazy vicious dogs the more we train our brains to avoid the dogs. The fear of the fallout of success is no different…we rely on our experiences and must retrain ourselves to compensate for the less than great things that have happened.  The good news is that it can be done and the rewards will be life changing.

Let’s talk about 3 things that can be helpful in overcoming a fear of success.

One – Own your fear.  Don’t be embarrassed by it.  Most people do not want to validate they suffer from this, let alone talk about it or try to change it.  Looking the struggle in the face is the first step to moving past it.  To do this we often have to look back and ask ourselves what made us believe this in the first place.  This may be an answer that you know immediately, or it may require a deeper dig to figure out.  What we do know is that you started with a clean slate and so you were not born with it…so start there and work forward.  When did you first start to feel that feeling of anxiety or discomfort when you were recognized for doing something well?

Two – Watch yourself and your habits. Call yourself out when you find yourself avoiding doing something that may result in success.  By avoiding these situations, you are continually reinforcing to the brain that this fear is legit.  No different than avoiding all the dogs of the world because they are all going to bite you.  

I would keep track of the things that you avoid and when you write them down and are cognizant of them you will likely see a trend where they lessen as you catch yourself and hopefully change the behavior.  It won’t be easy as your brain is tough and may try to convince you that this is not a good idea…that you may get hurt.  Remember you are retraining the brain.

Here are some things to catch yourself at:

• Avoiding big, new projects or new opportunities
• Shifting conversations away from praise of you or your achievements
• Hanging with people who are lower achievers or who won’t push you to be bigger or better.

You will have others that as you analyze the avoidances you will pinpoint some specific to your situation.

Three – Take the fears head-on. In order to convince our brain that there is nothing to be scared of we must do the scary activity.  It is like anything else that we do the first few times that causes anxiety.  I don’t know anyone that does not have some fear the first time they drive a car, or zip line, or how about skydiving?  Yet once we have done it a number of times with success our brain now knows it is ok.  You must do the same with the areas that you avoid.  I recommend starting easy with something that you will be able to complete quickly.  This may be as simple as acknowledging a compliment rather than changing the subject.  As this becomes more comfortable, revisit your list and choose the next thing to tackle.  Each time you successfully take on something from the avoidance list it’s a win and your brain is being reconditioned to let you experience success.

As you do this longer and longer it will become natural and the anxiety will decrease and eventually go away completely.  Again, it won’t be easy but the reward is huge for not just you but all of the people in your world that you will bring more value to.

I hope that this has been helpful and possibly eye opening for you or someone that you know.  Please share this with those in your circle that you feel would benefit, and as always please click on like to help us get out to as many as we can.

If you are ready to take your life and or your career to a new level click below for your 1:1 FREE strategy session with your personal Focus Forward Coach.  At the end of 1 hour you will have a new outlook with items on what direction you need to go both personally and professionally to achieve the goals that you keep writing down every year.  Let’s get those knocked off the list and make new dreams.

Remember it is your choice to Focus Forward!