Fear

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Summary

Here are 4 types of fear that often stop people from taking that next step.

Number 1 - Is the Fear of ruin -   If I don’t get this correct it is going to ruin my life forever.  Or I could make a fool of myself. I could ruin my reputation or ruin this relationship.   Many times, those are onetime events that we move on from.  By pushing through these fears, we learn how to deal with it and process it.  This allows us to grow and to deal with the next challenge differently, don’t focus on what you have allowed to be a huge disaster in your mind.

Number 2 is Rejection - She won’t love me, they will laugh at me, they will think I’m stupid, that’s ok. You don’t need their permission to grow and succeed. We have all been rejected but eventually it won’t matter.  We move on and look back and it has no effect on what you do today when you choose to not let it. It is our choice to form our lives and some people will get it and some won’t.  That’s ok, live the life that you envision and that you want.

The third type of fear is Regret – Man if I do this, I will regret it for the rest of my life. Or if I don’t do this, I will always regret this decision.  Realize that none of us can predict forever. You may end up regretting the decision for a short time, but just maybe it ends up being the best decision you ever made and takes you to the next level or finds the love of your life. If you hadn’t taken that step you would be stuck and never moving forward. You hear people say they are in a rut.  That is because they are so afraid of making the wrong choices or decisions that they don’t make any of them, and they go nowhere, or worse they go backwards.  We must have regrets to learn. We can always change our behaviors and learn from what brought us the regret, so that we make better decisions next time.

The last one is Responsibility – Maybe you think you can't handle or do something perfect, so you throw up your hands and say, can’t do it.   But to achieve our dreams takes struggle and work and with that comes responsibility. Ask yourself. Do I move forward, move backward, or remain in my current area? You are good enough today to try. You may need more experience, more tools or people.  You may not have it perfect but step off the ledge and try and you will figure it out. But next time it will be better, and then the next time it will be even better. What you will learn is that the next time it is that much easier, and you will be looking for the next level.

Full Transcript

What is one thing that you can think of that keeps you from doing something that would change your life?  Whatever your answer is, the root cause is fear.  Let's jump in and find out why.

I am Leigh Wilson and this is Focus Forward Business Design.

I wanted to talk about a subject that many of us avoid when just chatting with friends or family and that is the topic of fear.

With all of the wild things that have recently presented in our world whether it be coming out of COVID and the fear of whether it is really diminishing, or the seemingly never ending violence that is affecting more and more communities and families or an election that many have yet to figure out is past and that we must move forward.  There is a lot of fear going on and they are fears that are unfamiliar to most of us which can present even one more fear. The fear of how to process this fear.

The one thing that I know about fear is that it tends to get way overplayed.  Often, we are afraid of what we make up in our minds.  For example, maybe you want to plan a camping trip but you have never camped.  You tell your friends and family and they immediately throw back at you “Oh I don’t think that is a good idea, you should really think about that. There are bears out there you know…really big ones,  you know a friend of mine heard about a bear attack. Do you have your bear spray”?

When this happens, our brains go crazy and all of a sudden, we fear the entire bear family savagely attacking us and taking us back to their den to show off to all of their bear friends.  What we have forgotten is the reason that we wanted to go camping in the first place.  For the beauty, the fishing, the tranquility.

We know that anything new or unknown can carry a certain level of fear with it.  That is part of growth.  Do you remember the last new job or career that you started?  I am certain that there was some fear surrounding it as you wondered what if I screw up, or what if they think I am stupid?  But you got through it because the potential upside was so great that you were able to deal with the fearful aspects to get the reward at the other end.  

Or what about that daring new skill that you tried?  Maybe it was paragliding, or cliff diving or just riding a bike for the first time.  Wasn’t that a little scary?  OF course, it was but the excitement of the adventure and of conquering something new made it all worth doing.

What we don’t take the time to do is understand the fear, so that we can then develop the tools to deal with it.   To understand the fear you need to look at the different things that cause fear and what you are telling yourself.  When you really sit back and look at it you will likely realize that most fears are way less scary than what we have conjured up in our minds.

I am going to talk about the 4 types of fear that most often stop people from doing that next dream, or taking the next step that could change their lives.

Number 1 -  Is the Fear of ruin -   We hear this all the time, you have said it, I have said it.  If I don’t get this contract it is going to ruin my life forever.  Or if I do this and make a fool of myself I will ruin my reputation or  ruin this relationship.    This is crazy, those things may happen but they are not life changing.  They are one time events that we move on from.  By pushing through these fears we learn how to deal with it and process it.  This allows us to grow and to deal with the next challenge differently, so that you don’t focus on what you have allowed to be a huge disaster in your mind.

Number 2 is Rejection - She won’t love me, they will laugh at me, they will think I’m stupid…yep they will, that’s ok.  You don’t need their permission to grow and succeed.   It is not the world's job to be your cheerleader.  We have all been rejected but eventually it won’t matter.  We move on and look back and it has no effect on what you do today.  I’ve been rejected more times than I care to count and yes it hurts, and it makes me want to pull back and give up…damn right it did.  And I am not going to say I never did.  But having been down that path and realizing that it didn’t get me anywhere I can now say, I don’t pull back anymore.  It is our choice to form our lives and some people will get it and some won’t.  That’s ok, once you get that you will start to live the life that you envision and that you want.

The third type of fear is Regret – Man if I do this I will regret it for the rest of my life , or if I don’t do this I will always regret this decision.  Really always…that is like forever and you need to realize that none of us can predict forever.  You may end up regretting the decision for a short time, but just maybe it ends up being the best decision you ever made and takes you to the next level, or finds the love of your life, and if you hadn’t taken that step you would be stuck and never moving forward.  You hear people say they are in a rut.  That is because they are so afraid of making the wrong choices or decisions that they don’t make any of them, and they go nowhere, or worse they go backwards.  We must have regrets to learn and then we change our behaviors and learn from what brought us the regret, so that we make better decisions next time.  Maybe you hurt someone’s feelings by saying something that you did not mean to come across as it did, and you regret it.  We have all done it and then looked back and said “oh my gosh, I can’t believe I said that”.   So then apologize and make it right and the regret has been absolved.  Own it and move forward.

The last one is Responsibility – I won’t be able to handle this or do it well, and so they throw up their hands and say uh huh, can’t do it.   But our dreams take struggle and work and with that comes responsibility.  If you want to be where you are today in 10 years then ok, but I know that you are better than that and want more for yourself and those around you.  I know you have seen it or experienced it when that new job comes up that you are unsure of, because it is a huge increase in responsibility you question yourself.  But the key is do you move forward or back down to remain in an area of comfort, but not forward movement? The simple fact is that if you want to do more, be more and lead others.  You have to take on the challenges and responsibilities that come with that.  You are good enough today to try.  You just need more time at bat, more experience, more tools or people.  You are not going to have it perfect, but step off the ledge and try and you will figure it out.  Will you screw up…guaranteed you will, we all do.  But next time it will be better, and then the next time it will be even better. What you will learn is that the next time it is that much easier, and you will be looking for the next level. 

I hope that this has made you think a bit about what you really want to do and maybe have not done because you were scared.   Don’t let fear kill the dream.  You are so good and so amazing and the world deserves to see what you’ve got.

In the next few weeks we are going to do a deep dive into these different types of fears and what we can do to face them head on and use them to help us become better rather than have them hold us back.

Please share this post, hit like or comment below and Until next time….Remember the choice is always yours to Focus Forward.